Friends , are important ?

so I am 20 while I am writing this and I have friends or maybe no , I’m just not sure about whom I can call a ‘friend’ u know . I saw a lot of stuff as a teenager and the experiences and the trauma and the learnings , all of it , has somehow changed me a bit or so . I started to take unconventional paths to deal with things or to deal with people since I was 16 or so and I could see how I was treated differently or appreciated at times for the so called ‘maturity’ I had . It’s just that I never saw it as a mature thing , I sort of saw it as a development thing . I went through experiences , I learnt from them , I engulfed the learnings and moved on , but little did I know that those things were changing me . And so were the things with the way I dealt with my classmates or people I met socially . I never really thought of someone as a friend just because I vibe with them or I find them funny , you know . In my current life , I don’t really have a lot of friends , I do have people around me with whom I hangout with but I can’t necessarily call them a friend . I know this might sound corny or creepy but I really really take relationships seriously like if I am not involved in you , I won’t ever be . But if I am , I seriously am and I expect the same from you too .

Now here’s the catch , everything I said earlier was my perspective , but what about the perspective of the people around me , Do they look at me as a friend ? , do they find me creepy , do they think there’s something wrong with me ? I don’t know and thus I find myself at a place where since I deal with people differently , I have to deal with all the worldly things that come-along people, differently .

And then finally I find myself at a place , where I can see no ‘Friend’ around me , because everything I have done till date was based on my perspective which is way different than what most of the people around me do . But this doesn’t last long and I again see my friends but for how long ? now it seems as if I am on a loop where my decisions and my actions based on the perspective I have puts me through a dozen of worldly stuff that I have to deal with while the others are having a good time dealing with the already society given pre-conceived notion of life that have been built on their head .

I am stuck !